Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
