I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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