i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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