Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
