She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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