I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
false alarm, still single
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
