It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
