Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
