Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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