and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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