Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize