I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
