If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
