oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
