I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
