So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
