you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
