I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
