I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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