So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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