3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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