I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
