so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
