guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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