He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize