She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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