you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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