Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
