Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
