my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.