idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever