i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
