omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
