new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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