pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
