Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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