Moan for me like Helen Keller
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
