ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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