Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
