Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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