Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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