I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
