I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
