I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize