fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
