The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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