I just threw up on my dentist
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
