Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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