The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
