4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
pop tarts are not kleenex
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
