ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
