at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
