No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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