I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
