I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
