we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
