Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
