a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
