in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
