I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
